wazzupp with titles and labels?

how do you distinguish a special friend from a special someone?
there's this guy, who LABELED me as he's special friend who said that
a special friend is a person who HE can talk to about anything...
while a "lover"(eeewww the word) is a person whom he could only talk to
about anything WITH "limits"...

I ask my cousin about it. She said, yeah sure a special someone is someone
you could talk to about things with limits, stuff which are guarded, controlled.
Huh? Oh, well, I figured when with you are with your someone, there's this
tendency to hide some-things, some insecurities perhaps which you might be
afraid someone would know and then not accept you. Am, i being incoherent, probably
how I say it or how I write it... Anyway, yeah sure, a special friend is somebody
you think has a bit of feelings for you, probably not in a romantic way but maybe
in a platonic type. Someone, you think even if you pour out your feelings and
hidden insecurities, this special friend would still accept you...

Ergo, a special friend is a fall back, a rebound, a reserve just-in-case....
I don't think being a special friend for someone is healthy, at least for me,
I mean ego-wise.

The guy i love is now the husband of my friend who i also love.
Theirs has been friendship turned to love which I think is genuine. No pretentions,
no hidden agenda, just pure-not-found in this part of the world kinda love.
Just typing the word love gives me chills. Just thinking about them makes me wonder,
if i could find that thing they have, from someone, someone who I haven't met yet...

THE person, the man.

...i don't really know where to start...
I really miss someone. I don't think it's right to still text him and all, i feel guilty.
I consider him as THE man. The only man i know who is sincere. Pure-hearted. He's probably the epitome of sincerity. Sure he's a guy and all. He also likes to joke around, but it's good-natured humor. He so deserve all the best that life has to offer. He deserves his bestfriend=his wife. But, he's my bestfriend too... I still can't believe I deserved just knowing him. I probably did something good to deserve him. I only regret not being close to him enough when i had the chance. I wished i was a better person then to even have the guts to express myself with him. He was very shy, very intimidating, very quiet. But, he smiles, it's as if everything around me smiles. I really miss him...
When he met his wife. before she even became his girlfriend. He became more confident, even with THE tragedy, he was very much in control handled everything very well. He and her actually became two of my biggest confidence boosters! I will never ever forget that. I owe it to them.

on self-pity.

self-pity
noun: pity for oneself; especially : a self-indulgent
dwelling on one's own sorrows or misfortunes
-- self-pity'ing (adj)
-- self-pity'ing'ly (adv)

Being sorry for myself is a luxury I can't afford.
- Stephen King

Every man supposes himself not to be fully understood or appreciated.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life.
- Oliver C. Wilson

There is only one way to end a self-pity cycle: stop comparing yourself to others, and simply follow Christ.
- Linda Harry

Optimism and self-pity are the positive and negative poles of modern cowardice.
- Cyril Connolly

Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink.
- Elizabeth Elliot

Never give way to melancholy; resist it steadily, for the habit will encroach.
- Sydney Smith

...Stop comparing yourself to others. Resist melancholy. Do not ever yield to it. Have faith.
Haaayyyayyayyy! The things you do and think when you've got sore eyes.
God please help me see THE light. *wink*

A minute.

Been to a wedding, last week of June at Tagaytay.
I don't know how to put it...it was a blast?!

I've never been to a wedding before, I was really anxious.
I had a rough time thinking on how to avoid it.
Next thing I knew, I was cramming to find a formal dress!
Sure I said I would go.
But, I never really thought I would be going to any, nor did I thought
I would be going to their wedding...
Although, I knew it was coming,
I knew it will eventually go there, that is, they will be THE One
for each other, just the thought of it then makes my chest hurt.

I know it's silly. I am silly and stupid, who am I to even be affected
in that kind of way. I wasn't the ex of the groom.
They're my friends, my close friends.
If there is anything I should feel,
it should be nothing but happiness for them.
They deserve it, nonetheless. They're good and kind spirited person.
There were times when I feel that I don't deserve being their friends.
For all the mistakes and wrongs, I must've done something good,
to at least deserve their friendship...
One good thing that lead me to their path... I'm still wondering what it is....

I just envy her.
I wish then and until now, I would at least be her for just
a minute. The very pretty, feminine, witty, funny adorable her, with him.

Even for just a minute.

I don't know what I'd give for that minute.
In that beautiful long white wedding gown, walking in the aisle, towards him,
squeezing his hands, kissing him, being with him...
For just a minute of that... I can't think of anything better...