My 2009 New Year To-do-list

While my mom is busy making noise with coins and chanting goodluck charms, Here's my 2009 New Year To-do-list



1. Get a dog. My relationship skills sucks. I mean really, I suck, I'm such an anti-social that I think I don't really deserve to be around people, even my family and relatives. And so, I thought maybe I should buy a dog. Just like my friend Tin. Who by the way is really good at everything. She's got a poodle who really loves her. I wish just that, that even only a poodle could love me too. I dog would be a start. I think if I could take care of him/her i might be able to find some harmonious relationship with the people around me.

2. Learn how to play the guitar or piano. I've been inspired by Jason Wade, Jason Mraz and Rob Thomas, I've been watching them perform on Youtube lately. I think they're really amazing. I think it's a good diversion. I could probably get away from being such a loser. I might find my talent. My only problem right now is who could teach me how to choose a guitar. That's my first step, owning a guitar. I've already looked for interesting Guitar sites and books, but choosing a guitar seems a bit difficult. But I think I'll get by...

3. Learn the secret of the RUBIK's Cube. I already learned how to solve one face of the cube, but I'm still getting the hang of it. I really think that even if it's a bit nerdy to be able to do the Rubik's cube, I still think it's an amazing skill which i could someday share to someone. I mean, I could at leats look cool and interesting to some people. Help me rid with my anti-socialish facade.

4. Always post a blog entry. i feel I have this communication problem. I can't seem to connect with people around me, especially those that matters to me. I think they see me as an idealistic biatch who can't give some slack on anything. They also see me as a kill-joy nagger. And so, I resolve not to talk much and just write what I feel on my anonymous blog.

5. Spend more time meeting my old friends. I would try to reach out to my friends. My old friends who knew me as I am. Those that do not judge and can break the walls in front of me. It would be nice to share some of my experiences to them and theirs to me. It's also a nice venue where I could at least feel normal again. In this world of strangers, I usually feel an alien trapped.

6. Try to finish reading some books. I have 2 or 3 new books which I started reading but I could not seem to finish. It speaks well of my mind as of the year that was...undecided, unfinished without any purpose...

7. Always smile even if times are tough. I am a very transparent person. I usually find it hard to hide what I feel. I'm usually feeling gloomy. I wear dark unnoticeable clothes, because I don't want to be seen, and i rarely smile just because...I joke a lot but people don't usually find it funny. So I resolve to smile when I joke about something, or better yet to say that i'm just joking, so people won't find what I said offensive. I resolve to smile at least everytime I wake up in the morning and before i go to sleep at night.

8. Enroll in a CPA review School. To tell you frankly I think I lost any enthusiatic vein that would push me to further take the CPA exam. I know it's not that good, but I am really contemplating on just letting it be. But, something in me also wants to go for it...Time would tell, but in the meantimeI will at least try to read some Review books again.

9. Avoid spending too much. I'm not really much of a spender. I only spend as much on clothes and shoes because I need to. I haven't gotten my uniform, so I need to look presentable. I also spend a lot on acne surgery and facials. Also because the need to look presentable and yes, to help my self-esteem which has been deeply scared by many circumstances. But, I think I would at least minimize my being so generous to people. Sometimes i'm really really generous that my mom thinks I have such huge paycheck every month. She tends to demand giving her more.

10. Pursue sketching/ drawing/ painting. I'll once again try to tap some talent in me which I thought have been really dormant. when i was a kid my dad thought I have that gift. Maybe i could discover something in me which is positive and beautiful...

All in all I feel kinda positive with the coming year ...
I just hope I'll be able to grow and mature more than last year (not just in height and stuff).
I should be able to pursue my deepest and heartfelt goals in life...
I hope my heart and the universe will guide me through and through...

Happy New Year!!!

The Bravest thing one did...

Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain...

My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have...

- - Pablo Neruda's Here I Love you


It's been aeons since I wrote anything on this blog...
It's a holiday Monday. The non-working day of The Bonifacio day was moved from Nov.30 to Dec.1. Which I think was great.

I really need a break, from everything. I just recovered from influenza, coupled with allergic rhinitis and whooping cough. I still managed myself to go to work during the weekdays. I haven't done anything productive lately. But I yesterday I was able to see my friend and go to 168 mall where we bought some gifts for Christmas. I also got myself a new haircut. Other than that I just lay around on my bed the whole day...

Just this morning, while I can't seem to get out of bed, I listened to Chico and Del's The MorningRush show on the radio at RX93.1. They have this portion: The Top Ten things. Where everyday they select a topic which may be relevant with what's happening... They started by saying that since Nov.30 Bonifacio Day, and Andres Bonifacio in our history epitomized the revolution and evrything unlike Rizal being the pacifist blah blah blah...

Anyway they decided that their topic would be: The Top Ten Bravest thing you've ever done. They encourage people to text in their entries and Chico and Del would select from those entries which would be worthy for theirTop Ten. People sent in their entries like: "When I was 19 yrs.old and I decide to confront the School's Security guard for his misdemeanor", "When I escaped from 3 robbers without getting hurt and took the balisong as souvenir", "When I had an argument with a policeman in a secluded area where there aro no possible witness"...

And I was like hmmmm...What about me What was THE Bravest thing I have ever done so far?
And then Chico read an entry which said: "When I told a person how much I love him, despite knowing for a fact that he loves someone else, just for the sake of telling him what I feel!" And I was like, Yikes!!! Now that's an arrow right on target....

And I thought having fought robbers with knife in the jeepney at Blumentritt was brave!

Lucky them

it's been awhile..

I finally found the lyrics and some videos of Jason Mraz- Lucky.
I first heard it sang by two local singers in a Sunday variety show.
I thought they originally made the song, it turned out it was Jason Mraz'
It is a very sweet song.
"...I'm lucky I'm in love with my bestfriend...
Lucky to have been where I have been..."

Which really made me wonder...Had I only been better... then,
would he have considered me?...would he been attracted to me?
...Better as in better, looking, more kind, more intelligent,
more understanding
more friendly...at least?
At least he's my friend until now,
It has been 4 years since we last met.
His girlfriend is as pretty and kind as ever...
well, even if it's not with me, it's really really nice that
someTHINGS work. In our world of cynicism and negativity, IT could work...
I mean I know them both...
I was there, I was in the middle of everything before it all started...
Love and friendship do work...
I'm actually preparing myself,
The day when they would finally announce that they're ready to settle down...
I know he is...The thing is would I be ever prepared...
Only time would tell...

Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat - Lucky lyrics
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHHXmsH0lJU
Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Oooohhhhoohhhhohhooohhooohhooohoooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, fell the air
I put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ya da Ya da ya da....

Hmmmm...
This week wasn't really that good, but still I thank God - I survived!...It passed...
My manager scolded me for "talking back". I don't even want to elaborate it...
I was just explaining to her...
Anyway, I could actually understand a person like, a manager and all...still - insecure
...shaky personality, wanting to be respected and oh so mighty, desperately
wanted to be looked up to...= power tripping....

This was supposed to be a long weekend... Monday being declared as legal holiday.
But, Saturday, I attended a seminar 8-5pm. Then Monday I was told to do overtime work with
my boss....haay...

Anyway, at least I still get to go to work.... I mean i'm still lucky, some people
can't even find some work...

I'm really sorry if I can't seem to find anything nice to write...

Light and gloom

Wow... It's been what, more than a month and I'm still surviving...
I never really thought I could endure being in my "job"...
I'm kinda getting the hang of it...
I miss a client though, an "avid depositor".
It's been a while since he went to the bank.
The last time he visited, he went to the other telle'rs booth.
Which I thought was good, since I could not looked at him.

On the gloomy side:
My dad's aunt, my lola just died last week. She was buried yesterday.
She died because of a back tumor. My mom told me that Lola Nene used to
tell her that she's been really suffering, she could not sleep, she'd wished
she'd die...The good lord may have thought it's her time...

Back on the lighter side:
It's nice that the weather is ok. It's a sunny Sunday!
And today, while I'm typing, the "kisame" (what's the English word?) and the roof at my room is being fixed.
During the rainy rainy days, rainwater was dripping at the side of my room,
near my book shelf. Some of my books got wet and dirty...

ok that's it for now!!!

Floody Thursday night at the jeepney...

As I was wrapping up my one whole day of tellering,
last Thursday night it was raining really hard all over Metro Manila.
Well, I had to do something "extra" at the office together with my boss.

She was waiting for her husband from Buendia to pick her up.
Her husband could not figure out how to get to our office,
since the traffic was dreadful. A lot of people were stranded because of flood.
So we stayed there as late as 10:15 pm.
The LRT was closed so I had to take the jeepney from Gil Puyat.

Inside the jeep there was this guy, (I actually thought he was a girl
at first when he was
moving towards next the seat, he's got this cute pony tail)
He actually made my night because he's very intriguing.
He's got this chinito mestiso look, he's got a Kawasaki denim jacket on
and a ZOOBIC arm bangle...
He held his cellphone so tight,
every minute he would text something.
one time I "accidentally" saw his text:
"Ok, I said I'm letting you go..."
His girlfriend probably sacked him...tsk, tsk, tsk...
He obviously had this dumped look, but he's cute...
He was next to me, I could imagine telling him how everything would be okay,
he'll find someone new...
as in, that someone meant for you, was probably next to you at the jeepney...

But, seriously I wished him well...

Transitions...

“Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Having this blog will probably represent what I'm going through. Transitions...
I bid goodbye to my old friends and officemates. I bid goodbye to my old job...
I say hello to my new officemates and new office...

I actually hate transitions, but I guess it's God's way of saying "Hey, my child you're becoming so complacent and lethargic, it's time for you to be on top of things, start finding meaning, lest you want to be stuck there forever..."

I miss my old job, I miss my old friends. I suck in being a teller...