wazzupp with titles and labels?

how do you distinguish a special friend from a special someone?
there's this guy, who LABELED me as he's special friend who said that
a special friend is a person who HE can talk to about anything...
while a "lover"(eeewww the word) is a person whom he could only talk to
about anything WITH "limits"...

I ask my cousin about it. She said, yeah sure a special someone is someone
you could talk to about things with limits, stuff which are guarded, controlled.
Huh? Oh, well, I figured when with you are with your someone, there's this
tendency to hide some-things, some insecurities perhaps which you might be
afraid someone would know and then not accept you. Am, i being incoherent, probably
how I say it or how I write it... Anyway, yeah sure, a special friend is somebody
you think has a bit of feelings for you, probably not in a romantic way but maybe
in a platonic type. Someone, you think even if you pour out your feelings and
hidden insecurities, this special friend would still accept you...

Ergo, a special friend is a fall back, a rebound, a reserve just-in-case....
I don't think being a special friend for someone is healthy, at least for me,
I mean ego-wise.

The guy i love is now the husband of my friend who i also love.
Theirs has been friendship turned to love which I think is genuine. No pretentions,
no hidden agenda, just pure-not-found in this part of the world kinda love.
Just typing the word love gives me chills. Just thinking about them makes me wonder,
if i could find that thing they have, from someone, someone who I haven't met yet...

THE person, the man.

...i don't really know where to start...
I really miss someone. I don't think it's right to still text him and all, i feel guilty.
I consider him as THE man. The only man i know who is sincere. Pure-hearted. He's probably the epitome of sincerity. Sure he's a guy and all. He also likes to joke around, but it's good-natured humor. He so deserve all the best that life has to offer. He deserves his bestfriend=his wife. But, he's my bestfriend too... I still can't believe I deserved just knowing him. I probably did something good to deserve him. I only regret not being close to him enough when i had the chance. I wished i was a better person then to even have the guts to express myself with him. He was very shy, very intimidating, very quiet. But, he smiles, it's as if everything around me smiles. I really miss him...
When he met his wife. before she even became his girlfriend. He became more confident, even with THE tragedy, he was very much in control handled everything very well. He and her actually became two of my biggest confidence boosters! I will never ever forget that. I owe it to them.

on self-pity.

self-pity
noun: pity for oneself; especially : a self-indulgent
dwelling on one's own sorrows or misfortunes
-- self-pity'ing (adj)
-- self-pity'ing'ly (adv)

Being sorry for myself is a luxury I can't afford.
- Stephen King

Every man supposes himself not to be fully understood or appreciated.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life.
- Oliver C. Wilson

There is only one way to end a self-pity cycle: stop comparing yourself to others, and simply follow Christ.
- Linda Harry

Optimism and self-pity are the positive and negative poles of modern cowardice.
- Cyril Connolly

Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink.
- Elizabeth Elliot

Never give way to melancholy; resist it steadily, for the habit will encroach.
- Sydney Smith

...Stop comparing yourself to others. Resist melancholy. Do not ever yield to it. Have faith.
Haaayyyayyayyy! The things you do and think when you've got sore eyes.
God please help me see THE light. *wink*

A minute.

Been to a wedding, last week of June at Tagaytay.
I don't know how to put it...it was a blast?!

I've never been to a wedding before, I was really anxious.
I had a rough time thinking on how to avoid it.
Next thing I knew, I was cramming to find a formal dress!
Sure I said I would go.
But, I never really thought I would be going to any, nor did I thought
I would be going to their wedding...
Although, I knew it was coming,
I knew it will eventually go there, that is, they will be THE One
for each other, just the thought of it then makes my chest hurt.

I know it's silly. I am silly and stupid, who am I to even be affected
in that kind of way. I wasn't the ex of the groom.
They're my friends, my close friends.
If there is anything I should feel,
it should be nothing but happiness for them.
They deserve it, nonetheless. They're good and kind spirited person.
There were times when I feel that I don't deserve being their friends.
For all the mistakes and wrongs, I must've done something good,
to at least deserve their friendship...
One good thing that lead me to their path... I'm still wondering what it is....

I just envy her.
I wish then and until now, I would at least be her for just
a minute. The very pretty, feminine, witty, funny adorable her, with him.

Even for just a minute.

I don't know what I'd give for that minute.
In that beautiful long white wedding gown, walking in the aisle, towards him,
squeezing his hands, kissing him, being with him...
For just a minute of that... I can't think of anything better...

A possibility?

Damn!!
sorry!
I kept thinking about this guy!I guess the teasing kinda rubs off a bit...
I'm a little bit anxious for tomorrow.
I might see him again. And, they're gonna tease me.

Funerals and flowers

"Some lives are like that. They do not die. They do not die in ways that go beyond their thoughts continuing to influence people, their example continuing to inspire people, their memory continuing to cling to the minds of kin and friends. They do not die in ways not unlike those who are visited daily in their resting places by those who loved them indelibly deeply, who are kept company, who are caressed with words. They do not die because they remain a throbbing reality. They do not die because the detonation of the gigantic solidity of their lives scatters their atoms into the interstices of space, filling it, suffusing it, making themselves part of it. They do not die because they are, in every sense, still there.

Cory is one of them. What can one say?

It is a miracle.'

Conrado de Quiros
Philippine Daily Inquirer

I'm one of those who can't help crying while watching the funeral of the late president Cory Aquino. It's amazing how one person can be so much loved by many. It's amazing and kinda ironic that while sometime during her presidency, while she was alive a lot has been said against her also, but, in the end they all agreed how such a good person she is. It's really amazing, well, i really thought she was an extraordinary person.

The poignant outpouring of love and support even just when she's dead and all was really something. It kinda made me rethink of when I die someday.. You see i have decided a long time ago that I don't want to be remembered. i have done an awful lot of misdeeds, so what's there to be remembered for? I- if not worth remembering... i often fantasize of just puffing out of thin air, and no one bothering to see nor notice. i would not have a need for it anyway...I'm dead and all...

But, somewhere inside me, i kinda feel and liked to be wanted, to at least be remembered, if only for little things which I might perhaps have done right...Well, I'm sure it isn't that many or big...

while and although the Holden Caufield in me stillsay:

Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.

The Catcher in the Rye
Holden Caulfield in Chapter 20

Uniform my way

I'm going to wear my uniform tomorrow Monday Yey!!!

People around the globe wear uniforms to show what their profession is,
what school they go to, and so on.

Even during the early days of history, examples of people wearing uniforms include
the clothing of the armies of the Roman Empire and other civilizations.

A uniform, from the word itself, "uni in form" is a set of standard clothing worn by
members of an organization. It's probably a way of making people aware what that organaization is all about,
united for a purpose. Whatever that purpose be. In the Philippines almost all institutions are supposed to wear
uniforms, in schools, university, government agencies and some private organizations.

I remember when I was in my Kinderagrten and Grade school days, being the product of the same
educational institution, At first I dreaded wearing my High school uniform,
it was still the same old navy blue jumper-pleated skirt
with white cotton blouse, but it was now with long sleeves. I used to imagine being uncomfortable,
being in the country of tropic and humidity. But I guess I was just not that into being a High school student yet.

It's been ten months since I became a regular government employee. I didn't have to wear uniform,
but this Monday I now have a set of uniforms to wear.
Well, it was good news for me. Because I would not have to think everyday of what to wear. It's also
practical. But, parts of me is a bit hesitant, wearing a uniform would mean, that i am stuck on my job.
During these days of recession all over the world, I am grateful with my job and all...
But, I plan to do better, I plan greater things... Which by the way, I don't know how to realize yet...

But, in the mean time, I will probably let myself enjoy wearing my uniforms...


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